Like many, I have been involved in the family court reform movement for many years. I’ve learned a lot. Recently, there is a lot of infighting between groups. This is unfortunately the norm and never really completely fixable. Permit me to verbosely explain.
People are broken in a bunch of different ways.
Before they are touched by family courts, they have issues: drinking, abuse, victims of abuse, addictions of every sort. Some contributed to divorce scenarios.
After encountering family court they are stripped of their children, savings, homes, and human rights. This leads to both PTSD-intensified old issues and new ones in people that had fairly normal lives.
In short, the family court reform movement is and forever will be run by a great number of dysfunctional people. Myself included.
At any given time, I can easily point out the flaws in the most visible people in our effort. There is always a contingency whose efforts are set on this mission. If you follow that path to its logical conclusion, you destroy the entire movement.
Lies and deception are bad. Raising money for alternative motives drains resources from others. So we need to draw a line somewhere. That “somewhere” is unfortunately well beyond where most of us would stomach. It is survival for the cause. Trust me.
Once you’ve bit your lip hard enough with that obstacle, you realize you are dealing with another. This emotionally wounded band of misfits is easily infiltrated by the enemy. I guarantee you that a few key people work for the other team. They are on the ABA payroll – literally. It’s extremely easy to create division and start infighting.
Identifying people whose role it is to destroy things is also fruitless. You spend 80% of your effort removing people you need to create a movement.
In 2017, I assisted Kash with his DC rally. At one point we estimated by Facebook event numbers that 400-500 people would attend. Then random people declared new leadership, dates, times and meeting locations. As critical weeks passed when people needed to book airline tickets, people backed away. In the end, we got about 150.
Part mental illness, part egos and part flat out sabotage.
This brings me to another key point. The reform movement will unfortunately never be run by one cohesive group or under any one leader. We know it’s best. It will never happen.
Over the years, I have developed a thick skin. It is not because I don’t despise liars and egotists. I do. It is because I clearly understand that the movement’s success depends on unity beyond all else. This means people who don’t deserve money will get it. It means egotists will shine. It means minor crimes will be committed while the main mission moves forward.
Suck it up. Keep yourself in check. Deal with your own addictions for the reform movement, yourself and your kids – whether you see them or not.
Most of all, appreciate what works. Find reasons to unite; not reasons to divide. Celebrate skills people bring to the table. Stop focusing on what they broke or how much they drank last night.
If you stand way back, you’ll clearly see we are succeeding. All of us. And virtually all of us have brought some contribution to the table.